Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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