We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
