there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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