Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
