Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
