oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize