Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
