she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you would pick up someone in the library
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
