we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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