I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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