A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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