I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
