I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
