I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
