Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
