mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
