He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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