At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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