Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
