I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
