I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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