YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
