She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
