If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize