ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will be naked everywhere
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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