If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
