I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
