Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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