I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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