??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
