her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i've created a new STD.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Please don't give away my fajitas
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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