is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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