I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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