Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
