Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
