covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
