no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
