I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
