So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
