I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
