The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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