I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
