we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize