Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
