Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
