so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
