Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I still have a little drunk in my system
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
