no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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