u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
