He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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