i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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