In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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