What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
