Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
