I got chris browned last night
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
