just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
