I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
