The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
