My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
