sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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