I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
