U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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