Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
