i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
