His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
