Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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