and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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