Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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