Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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