Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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