I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
