good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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