I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize