he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
