Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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