I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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