Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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