Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
