You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
