oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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