just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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