This is not my ceiling
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
