If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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