just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
