I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
