You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
