She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Green mimosas i think yes
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
