Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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