So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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