I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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