Please, let me fuck your mom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
