dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
