if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
