I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
