dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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