I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
