i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she smelled like a LAN party
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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