Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
