I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
