i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to make out with him forever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
