It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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