He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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