You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck appropriateness.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
