i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
