She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
