Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
