2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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