you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
