the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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