three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
