So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
