im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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