Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
