I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
