I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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