Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
