I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
