we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
